The mock article had been lost until an old friend messaged me on Facebook a few days ago and it showed up in our old messages log...I thought I'd share it with you all:
RUSTY SHACKLEFORD
Sun Media
In a shocking and unprecedented move to save a few bucks, Sun Media management has removed the water cooler from their Edmonton Sun newsroom, leaving staff thirsty and mad.
"I'm completely flabbergasted," said reporter Rochelle Frampton as she scoured the parking lot for a clean puddle to dip her cup into. "If I wasn't so dehydrated, I'd spit on their doorstep."
A few metres from her stood two other reporters, guarding small plastic dishes filled with the rainwater they have been collecting for days.
"It's appalling, but what are you going to do about it?," scoffed Pickard Livericht, angrily raising a fly-swatter at a photographer sneaking up on his blue Tupperware dish.
The empty spot where the water cooler used to stand is now a makeshift memorial.
Staff members have been showing up in droves, leaving behind empty paper cups and plastic bottles once filled with the liquid of life.
Despite management's promise that water cooler chatter would be replaced by jovial exchanges around the bathroom sinks, the culture has yet to resurface.
"It's definitely part of our culture we've lost," said an editor, taking a break from digging for water-bearing roots behind the building.
Calling the event "a most shocking development," University of Alberta African American studies professor Horace Finklestein weighed in on the issue.
"We rarely see this sort of mass mistreatment of a group of people," he said shaking his head. "I mean, even a slave in Alabama in the 1840s was provided with as much fresh water as he could drink."
In fact, research has shown that from Guantanamo Bay to the World War II prison camps of Siberia, water was a necessity most took for granted.
Unfortunately for the typewriter monkeys of the Edmonton Sun, things may get a lot worse before they get any better.
With meteorologists forecasting temperatures into the 20s as early as next week, the fight for the stuff that covers more than two-thirds of the planet may get a little more fierce.
RUSTY SHACKLEFORD
Sun Media
In a shocking and unprecedented move to save a few bucks, Sun Media management has removed the water cooler from their Edmonton Sun newsroom, leaving staff thirsty and mad.
"I'm completely flabbergasted," said reporter Rochelle Frampton as she scoured the parking lot for a clean puddle to dip her cup into. "If I wasn't so dehydrated, I'd spit on their doorstep."
A few metres from her stood two other reporters, guarding small plastic dishes filled with the rainwater they have been collecting for days.
"It's appalling, but what are you going to do about it?," scoffed Pickard Livericht, angrily raising a fly-swatter at a photographer sneaking up on his blue Tupperware dish.
The empty spot where the water cooler used to stand is now a makeshift memorial.
Staff members have been showing up in droves, leaving behind empty paper cups and plastic bottles once filled with the liquid of life.
Despite management's promise that water cooler chatter would be replaced by jovial exchanges around the bathroom sinks, the culture has yet to resurface.
"It's definitely part of our culture we've lost," said an editor, taking a break from digging for water-bearing roots behind the building.
Calling the event "a most shocking development," University of Alberta African American studies professor Horace Finklestein weighed in on the issue.
"We rarely see this sort of mass mistreatment of a group of people," he said shaking his head. "I mean, even a slave in Alabama in the 1840s was provided with as much fresh water as he could drink."
In fact, research has shown that from Guantanamo Bay to the World War II prison camps of Siberia, water was a necessity most took for granted.
Unfortunately for the typewriter monkeys of the Edmonton Sun, things may get a lot worse before they get any better.
With meteorologists forecasting temperatures into the 20s as early as next week, the fight for the stuff that covers more than two-thirds of the planet may get a little more fierce.
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Cheers!
T
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