Philippines, Boracay Island: Paradise Ruined...

The first place I stopped at when I got to the Philippines was the island of Boracay. According to everything I've heard, seen and read on the Internet, it was supposed to be a tropical paradise.

My plan was to simply go there and do nothing for 10 days...I brought a book (my childhood favourite and very appropriate Robinson Crusoe) I was hoping to finish and beachcomb and enjoy the peace and solitude of a tropical beach when I wasn't under a palm tree reading.

Well, if you want peace and quiet, Boracay ain't the place for you. On the surface, it looks like for thousands of years it was a gorgeous island. Its major claim to fame is White Beach, which, living up to its name is a kilometres-long white sand beach bordering a gorgeous teal blue sea and lined with palm trees. Something like this:

There's one problem, however. And it's a big one. It's an overcommercialized, anything-goes-as-long-as-you-have-money mess. I mean Boracay makes Las Vegas look like your grandmother's annual church bake sale.

During the day, there are a million people trying to sell you everything from massages to boat rides to endless trinkets, sunglasses and bootleg DVDs. You literally can't walk 3 metres without someone yelling "YES SIIIIIIIR" at you and then going on about whatever the hell they're trying to sell. The worst part is that 90% of them are mobile (carry little cases of "Rolex" watches, pearl earrings, etc), so they follow you around. They're like a pack of wandering sell-monsters waiting to attack anyone who looks like he has a wallet.

It took me roughly 17 minutes (which equals about 914 approaches by these people) to be sick of the place. Which is sad, because when you managed to get away from the crowds, scenery like this greeted you:

One of the few positives was that it's a good place to be for a vegetarian, since most restaurants (unlike in Korea) had basic vegetarian options like omelettes and panninis. Sadly, it was also the place for establishments like Starbucks.

But...walk away far enough from them and you're rewarded with this:

In Boracay I found a guy who ran a dive shop with a few hostel-type rooms in the back...for about $9.50 a night...perfect...cute room too, all natural materials, and with a tiny bit of ocean view!

On the surface, things were excellent. Sadly, even on the beach, when I was taking pictures, people came up to me selling stuff. Even far from the crowds they were coming out of nowhere and saying "no" to them once was not enough for them...most I had to say no to three or four times before they left me alone.

At night, things got even worse. The island is flush with hookers and aggressive "ladyboys." Now, not being an expert, my understanding of ladyboys is limited, as far as I know they're gay guys who are somewhere along the spectrum of a sex change. I'd say easily half the prostitutes in Boracay are ladyboys, and I'm guessing if you choose to enlist the services of one, it's a complete toss of the coin what genitalia you'll land yourself.

Now, normally, I wouldn't spend so much time describing the sex for sale in a town I'm visiting - not being a customer myself, it normally does not concern me in the least. However, Boracay was a little different.

You see, pretty much as soon as the sun set the DVD and straw hat peddlers were augmented and then replaced by hordes of hookers. So, walking on the main pathway connecting all parts of the beach became a gauntlet of prostitutes and they're even more aggressive than the toothless dude trying to tell you that the $10 "Rolex" he's waving in your face.

I'm guessing that travelling alone as a guy made me the #1 target on the beach, but still...when I'm trying to enjoy a beautiful tropical night (a night I had been dreaming of since I was a kid) I really could do without hookers of all sorts grabbing at me.

Let me relay a few of the experiences that made me want to get off that island as soon as possible...but first...a picture from the night:

So....here are a couple of experiences... Walking along the beach, enjoying the warm air, soft breeze and the sound of the waves, I had probably 200+ proposals from prostitutes, and a bunch kept grabbing my arm and starting to walk as if we were together. Needless to say, this was rather alarming, as I really was not keen on being seen sauntering along the main drag (no pun intended) with a hooker of questionable gender, and I guess my panic showed on my face as I looked around trying to shake her off me. Nearby, I saw a cop/security guard (hard to tell, they all carry guns and are equally useless, more on this in a minute) and thought "oh sh*t, that's exactly what I need...to get busted in the Philippines with a hooker holding on to my arm"...reading the alarmed look on my face, the cunning woman quickly told me that it's okay...the security guy/cop was actually there guarding a nice little hiding place for her to take customers to. Beautiful.

The worst, experience, though...and the one that made me swear to get off that island as quickly as possible was when I stopped on the beach to admire the moonlight filtering through the tall palm trees. It was a perfectly sublime moment. Just then a ladyboy prostitute came up to me and started propositioning me. When I declined the offer, he/she/it (I have no idea what you're supposed to call them), asked what I was doing there. I pointed to the magnificent sight before us and said "I'm just watching the moon behind the palm trees." To which he/she/it replied "Go do it somewhere else. Get the hell out of here." Apparently me enjoying the beach was ruining his/her/its business...wonderful. Even before this, earlier on Monday, I was looking at the local tourism office to see how much it would cost to fly to Singapore or Hong Kong, wanting to get the hell out of there...this cemented my determination to leave.

Okay...a word about the cops/security guys. They're EVERYWHERE. I mean, you can't go 10 metres without seeing one. They're armed, and I thought this was funny, with all manner of guns. Some had what appeared to be semi-automatics, while others were rocking wooden-handled 6-shooters from 1884...I'm guessing they just brought whatever they found at home to work. As numerous as they were, they were completely useless. The ones who were not sleeping on the job (I'd say no more than half of them fell into the "awake" category) were quite content sitting on chairs in the shade and talking to sellers or prostitutes and completely ignoring whatever may have been going on (like the drunk Korean guy abusing his girlfriend, which the armed men of justice simply laughed at). Very telling of how useless and corrupt the "police/security" forces are was that there were members of the auxiliary military police trolling the beach wearing "Sponsored by Coco Manga's" T-shirts...Coco Manga's is perhaps the dirtiest and most morally loose bar in town.

Thankfully the owner of the hostel I was staying at was going to a nearby island and asked me if I wanted to join him...of course I said yes! That island was Carabao and it was by far the highlight of my trip...but, more on that next time...for now, despite my negativity about Boracay, here are a few gorgeous pics to leave you with...

The view a few steps from my hostel:

One of the half dozen or so abandoned resorts at the far end of White Beach...it was the best part of the beach...nobody there!

Okay, that's enough for now...I'll be back tomorrow with more!

T